That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
