I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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