My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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