it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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