Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Panties = found
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