I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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