I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
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