You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my being single is dangerous.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
