You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
