For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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