After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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