Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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