i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
