think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize