i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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