im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
