I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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