i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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