TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
