uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
