I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
