White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
