if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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