im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If I die, sorry about rent.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
