i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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