we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
