Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We were destined to go to rehab together
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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