no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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