Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
