drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
