Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize