Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize