it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm sobbing to NWA
She has the best kind of daddy issues
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
