Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
