You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just found a bag of teeth...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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