i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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