Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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