I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
