Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
