I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
