But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
