My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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