if you like me you must not know who I am
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
