I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
