I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
