remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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