before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize