first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
