I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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