we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
