So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
two words: eviction party
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
