Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
