I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
