I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize