Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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