Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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