First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
