there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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