Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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