I want to have your abortion
People in love make me want to vomit
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
