im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
