Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
