We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
