So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
