i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
