you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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