You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
