I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
