the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
