I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
this boner is exhausting
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
