guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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