I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
