College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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