where does the pee come out of this thing
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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