Don't you send me to vm
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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