butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
