if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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