Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
