How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
