my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
