Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's blow job season.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Randomize
