Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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