Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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