I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
