This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
