people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Mom said you looked used
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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