I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize