is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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