CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
