so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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