worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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