I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize