At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
