i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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