The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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